Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
