You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
