DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
