i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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