Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My vagina is officially offended.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
