Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
