I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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