You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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