I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
