we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
