Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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