Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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