I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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