U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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