Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
