If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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