I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
