Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So apparently I’m into choking now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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