I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The ass gains better be worth it
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