why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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