i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
