Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
