the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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