Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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