i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
