Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
