last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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