i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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