I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
