Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
