if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
