I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
