living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
