census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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