I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
