dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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