fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
