maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
