hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
