If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
