Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
as a side note pls kill me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
