Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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