Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
