i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
