i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
