Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Randomize
