dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
