Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
