You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
