Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
