apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
