By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
